Superficial

Today, I discovered something disturbing.

That would be this photo...

Now look here. They all have something in common, yes?

Oh, why yes they all are wearing high heels.

Yes, all are in black and white as well.

Oh well yes they are all either black or white...

One more thing you're missing though!

Want to know the similiarity that makes them all Candidates for

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL 2010?

Well the fact that I could wrap my thumb and forefinger around their thighs is pretty prominent to me.

Since when did skinny become synonymous with beautiful?I know for a fact that fat (as it is now commonly known) used to mean beauty, power, wisdom.

It meant you had enough food to survive and were therefore rich and powerful.

Take yourself as you are.

I don't care if you're 6'6", 95 lbs and wear a size 000

or if you're 3'0", 800 lbs and wear a size 62,

or if you're 5'5", 156 lbs and wear a tight size 7.

But how did you get here?

Where do you want to be?

I'll tell you where the media wants you to be: skinny.

They want you to eat McDonalds and Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and KFC and Tim Hortons until you feel like you may burst.
Then they want you to go home and feel horrible about yourself and get rid of it all

by any means possible

by any way logical.

And be just like them.

Wanna know what I say?

Ew.

I'd rather grab my chubby love handles than not be able to sit in a chair for half an hour because my bones ached.

So you know what?

Get at me.

All 5'5.5, 150 lbs of me.

Twisted

I'm starting to think that I like the pain.
And it scares me.
Not the deliberate pain but the bruises and scrapes, I'm proud of them and I don't know why and it really really scares me.

But it makes me feel alive, so alive, because I know that I'm real and I know that I'm not invincible and I can be broken.

And as much as that thrills me, it scares me.
I am breakable, not just physically, but obviously mentally, because I am broken already there.
That doesn't hurt, it doesn't scare me.
But I'm proud of my scars because as much as it means I can be broken it means I can survive a whole lot, and it means I am strong.

Strong, stronger than I could ever feel.
The pain is just temporary and the accidental scars are forever and they show my journies through life.
I've been close to hell and I've touched deliberacy and I like it better when things are accidental.
Because as much as I can't control it when it's accidental, it means that I'm not that twisted after all.

I enjoy it, but not enough to take it in my hands and create it.

I am

breakable,
breaking,
broken.

I am twistable,
twisting,
twisted.

And I

really

do

enjoy

(really

enjoy)

every

every

single

minute.

De-Stress

Arizona Iced Tea sits atop my piano ledge as I type this to you;

piano and arizona. 2 de-stressers.

Tea for the obvious reasons, piano for a not-so-obvious reason:

piano is the only thing I can do right in a day of wrong-doings.

This Is How I Do

I'm going to give you little clips of a song that I enjoy when I am in like with someone. Not love, that's a huge word and a huge emotion with a lot of strings and huge baggage. Just like for now.

it's too late baby, there's no turnin around

i got my hands in my pockets and my head in the clouds

this is how i do, when i think about you

i never thought that you could break me a p a r t

i keep a sinister smile and a hold on my ♥

you wanna get inside? then you can get in line

but not this time

cause you caught me off guard

now i'm runnin and screamin...

But people tell me I 'can not' feel this way, I 'should not' feel this way. He's different than the last, I promise you!

... I hope.